Recently in work / life balance Category

Ryan Paugh over at Employee Evolution just posted a blog regarding his personal experience with dealing with anxiety at work. While I don't have that issue personally (I've been told I am calm to a fault), it brings up an interesting point, and something I've been struggling with lately. How do you relax?

It used to be easy for me. I smoked a cigarette. I began smoking when I was 10 years old, and quit when I was 25. Minus the 2 weeks preceeding my wedding, I haven't smoked a cigarette since. Any for those who want to know how I did it, it's simple. I stopped. Period. No extra effort other than that. But I digress.

There is one thing I miss about smoking, however. It was the forced 'break' that I took when I would slip outside and light up. Living in Florida, there weren't many times that it was too cold outside, so for most of the year, going outside for a smoke was a pleasant experience. Not only that, it MADE me stop what I was doing, actually get up and change my surroundings, and sometimes even socialize. Now mind you, I am not saying that smoking is good. It's bad. Bad bad bad bad bad.

I was reading some blog archives, and came across a post about friendship and how it relates to a career. I thought about it. And I came to the conclusion that my friends have helped me immensely, but not in the ways most people would imagine. I came the following conclusions, and have found them to be crucial for me, both in my career and in my life.

My friends couldn't care less about what I do for a living

At first glance, that would appear to be a negative thing. But is it? My friends don't look at me as another reference or networking tool. While we certainly all do that for each other (I've gotten a few people jobs at the firm I work for), it's the the purpose. A good friend of mine and I get together at least once a week in my "cigar club" (my garage) and talk about everything from the latest Hot Water Music release to the proper way to set up a 4 port router to the latest in our social lives (I should say HIS social life. That cigar room IS my social life these days). I have numerous friends who are the same way. While we all could benefit from our individual connections, we'd rather just hang out and enjoy each other's company.

They know where I came from, and where I could go

While I won't go into the details, many of my friends know what I was like in my darkest times. We've all picked each other up off the floor (literally and figuratively), helped clean up the blood & broken glass, and in some cases even bailed each other out of jail. I know there's still a video of me with a green mohawk throwing cans of beer at people in the streets of Savannah, GA one St. Patrick's Day. No corner office will ever change that.

We were friends before anything else mattered

Now this isn't the case for everyone. Since I've basically lived in the same county since I was 6, I am fortunate enough to have many friends that I've had for 10+ years, some even more. One good friend of mine recently graduated from pharmacy school, and is looking at a 6 figure income from the gate. We've been friends since 1st grade. We watch baseball, get lunch together when possible, and we're planning on going to see a Yankee's game this summer in NYC (finances permitting). Is that a pharmacist and an investment professional networking? No. It's two lifelong friends enjoying baseball.


My friends certainly keep me grounded in my life. They help me have fun, shed the office mentality for a little while, and look back to time where none of that stuff really mattered. Adulthood is here to say, but with good friends, it's bearable. In the words of Ferris Bueller, "If you have the means, I highly recommend it".

Modite's Rebecca Thorman (fast becoming one of my favorite reads) has a recent post about a speaker who, among other things, told them all be weird, and to think & dream big. It got me thinking about all that. I've heard that for a long time. So has most everyone else I know. But what defines your dreams? What's "big" to you? Is your dream to run a Fortune 500 company? To play the stand-up bass in a psychobilly band? To simply be happy and content, regardless of the situation? Well, all of these things have been a dream of mine at one time or another. And where I was in life defined those dreams. My job does not define who I am. Not at all. It didn't define me when I was a busboy in a local Chinese restaurant, it didn't when I was a line cook, and it still doesn't now that I wear a tie. Regardless, almost everyone I come in contact with has this uncontrollable urge to label me and put me into some sort of category. At the office, it's usually the "young guy". In the news, it's the "MTV Generation" or "Gen Y". Although, truth be told, I can't stand most popular music and wish most of the artists on MTV would leave and never return, nor do I really like a lot of people my own age.