Recently in friendship Category

I was reading some blog archives, and came across a post about friendship and how it relates to a career. I thought about it. And I came to the conclusion that my friends have helped me immensely, but not in the ways most people would imagine. I came the following conclusions, and have found them to be crucial for me, both in my career and in my life.

My friends couldn't care less about what I do for a living

At first glance, that would appear to be a negative thing. But is it? My friends don't look at me as another reference or networking tool. While we certainly all do that for each other (I've gotten a few people jobs at the firm I work for), it's the the purpose. A good friend of mine and I get together at least once a week in my "cigar club" (my garage) and talk about everything from the latest Hot Water Music release to the proper way to set up a 4 port router to the latest in our social lives (I should say HIS social life. That cigar room IS my social life these days). I have numerous friends who are the same way. While we all could benefit from our individual connections, we'd rather just hang out and enjoy each other's company.

They know where I came from, and where I could go

While I won't go into the details, many of my friends know what I was like in my darkest times. We've all picked each other up off the floor (literally and figuratively), helped clean up the blood & broken glass, and in some cases even bailed each other out of jail. I know there's still a video of me with a green mohawk throwing cans of beer at people in the streets of Savannah, GA one St. Patrick's Day. No corner office will ever change that.

We were friends before anything else mattered

Now this isn't the case for everyone. Since I've basically lived in the same county since I was 6, I am fortunate enough to have many friends that I've had for 10+ years, some even more. One good friend of mine recently graduated from pharmacy school, and is looking at a 6 figure income from the gate. We've been friends since 1st grade. We watch baseball, get lunch together when possible, and we're planning on going to see a Yankee's game this summer in NYC (finances permitting). Is that a pharmacist and an investment professional networking? No. It's two lifelong friends enjoying baseball.


My friends certainly keep me grounded in my life. They help me have fun, shed the office mentality for a little while, and look back to time where none of that stuff really mattered. Adulthood is here to say, but with good friends, it's bearable. In the words of Ferris Bueller, "If you have the means, I highly recommend it".

Recently, I had a conversation with a good friend of mine who recently got an entry-level position with the company I work for (my old department, specifically). He's a few years younger than I am, but we have a lot in common. We both grew up in the same suburban wasteland. Both our parents are well educated and somewhat eccentric. We like a lot of the same music, etc. We've had a lot of conversations recently, and my wife made the comment that I was acting as a mentor to him. Me? A mentor? Are you kidding me? But she's right. I've been mentoring him. And it's something that has come naturally for me, which is somewhat odd. But after thinking about it, I realized why it was working:

• We have common experience

Since we already have a lot in common, my advice and experience is relevant. Some of the mentor experiences I've heard others having seemed to lack that. While experiencing new cultures and backgrounds is obviously important, in the world of mentoring it seems like a common ground is more beneficial. Since our backgrounds are so similar, there's a good chance that our reactions and interpretations to situations will be the same as well. And they have been.

• I have credibility

Since I've done the job that he's currently doing, I have first-hand knowledge and the technical background involved in the position. I also know the people involved. So when he talks about something going on within the department or in his personal life, there's a good chance I've already gone through it. When I am hearing advice from people (usually unrequested, but that's another issue), I see what experience they have. Would you take marriage advice from someone who's single? How guitar lessons from someone who's never played? Doubtful. Hypothetical experience or advice is a waste of everyone's time.

• I'm willing to listen

Mentoring, like any other relationship, needs to be a two-way street. Just like no one likes to be the friend that everyone dumps their problems on, no one wants to be told what to do and have it wrapped up in the idea of 'mentoring'. When we talk about things, whether it be business or personal, I stop and put my ego aside and listen to what he has to say.

• I'm not a guru

I don't have all the answers. I don't even pretend to. I'm lucky that I'll admit when I don't know what I am doing, or if I have no experience. I've been blessed to have a lot of different life experience so far (more than most my age), but I know that it's still limited. And that's OK. So, at the end of the day, we're friends first and foremost. And we're just as likely to talk about the latest Bad Religion re-issues and whatever garage band he's playing in as we are to talk about anything else. Because all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy, right?