Love Will Tear Us Apart

Last night, I celebrated my 5 year anniversary in AA at my homegroup. For those who haven't had the dubious luxury of attending one, those who are celebrating an anniversary that month give a talk (usually 25-30 mins) about his or her story. Being that it was me, I spoke about the angry, self-centered, borderline sociopathic person I used to be, and how my life had changed, the blessings I had, etc. 5 years is quite a length of time to go without a drink or drugs, esp. for a guy like me. It was the culmination of a lot of hard work, effort, and some divine intervention to get where I am. My life has made a complete turnaround. I'm able to help others and be someone who people look to for advice and support.

So it's rather fitting that tonight is the first appointment for my wife and I at marriage counseling.

It's easy to think that because I excel in certain areas, then my abilities carry over into others without effort. While I'm able to communicate well at work, and with folks trying to get sober, my wife and I don't communicate well. We're not sure how or why it happened, but most of our discussions seemingly end up with an argument, snide comments by me, and defensive reactions by her. It certainly isn't healthy. This isn't a situation vis a vie Penelope Trunk, blogging into great detail the attempts and failings of her marriage. On the contrary. My wife and I both have an honest desire to make the situation better, even at the expense of either one of us being uncomfortable, admitting we're wrong about something, or acting inappropriately. And hopefully I'll learn something. Because I'll be the first to admit that I am not the best communicator. After all, I do math for a living, for a REASON. 1 + 1 = 2 every single time I do it. There's something very calming about that. But all the math problems in the world aren't going to help me be a better husband.