Film Noir
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For the first time in a long time, I read something that resonated with me at a level that most things usually don't reach. Penelope Trunk recently had a post regarding living up to your 'potential', and how it was complete BS. I couldn't agree more. Who's deciding this potential? Is is an expectation due to my surroundings? Family? What else?
What I find funny about that 'potential' that some people accuse others of not reaching is that, it's always the potential for good. What about my potential for negative things? Self Destruction? Because I've shown more people that potential than anything else.
What I find funny about that 'potential' that some people accuse others of not reaching is that, it's always the potential for good. What about my potential for negative things? Self Destruction? Because I've shown more people that potential than anything else.
Not all potential is good. For every bit of potential I have to do something great, I have an equal amount to destroy.
The people close in my life already know this. Others do as well. And I've made vague comments about it. But here's the stark fact: I am an alcoholic and drug addict. I spent my late teens and early twenties with a bottle of whiskey pretty much glued to my arm. And for the few years at the end, cocaine flowing through my veins. For those scoring at home, I've been sober just over 5 years now. On August 1st 2003, I went to my first AA meeting. And I've been there (and sober) ever since. There are many people in my life now that have never seen me drunk, including my wife and my son. That's how I like it, and that's how I plan on keeping it. I admire people who have spoken freely about their alcoholism. Holly Hoffman described it pretty well. And while our experiences were different, the outcome was the same. We came out the other side, alive, and now have to figure out how to live in this world.
So what does this have to do my potential? Well, I did all the drinking, drugs, and overall debauchery while I was starting my career. Hell, in the beginning, it financed it. Having a decent paying corporate job at 18 gave me quite a bit of disposable income. And I certain disposed of it. It was not uncommon to spend $1,000 on booze and drugs on a weekend. The fact that I am still alive amazes me sometimes. But as my drinking progressed, I became less and less concerned with anyone else. My potential for my own self destruction and sociopathic tendencies were showing themselves, and I excelled at those things. I did things I am not proud of, I hurt a lot of people, and I almost killed a few people (myself included). I put my energy and effort into the things that could kill me. That potential is still there. It will never leave me, as long as I am alive, I'll have to be watchful for the behaviors that can lead me back to a drink.
In the same vein, I see people who are dedicating their energies and potential on other things. Whether it's positive or negative, it is what they've chosen to do. So potential? It's everywhere. Don't bother living up to anything. Just live.
The people close in my life already know this. Others do as well. And I've made vague comments about it. But here's the stark fact: I am an alcoholic and drug addict. I spent my late teens and early twenties with a bottle of whiskey pretty much glued to my arm. And for the few years at the end, cocaine flowing through my veins. For those scoring at home, I've been sober just over 5 years now. On August 1st 2003, I went to my first AA meeting. And I've been there (and sober) ever since. There are many people in my life now that have never seen me drunk, including my wife and my son. That's how I like it, and that's how I plan on keeping it. I admire people who have spoken freely about their alcoholism. Holly Hoffman described it pretty well. And while our experiences were different, the outcome was the same. We came out the other side, alive, and now have to figure out how to live in this world.
So what does this have to do my potential? Well, I did all the drinking, drugs, and overall debauchery while I was starting my career. Hell, in the beginning, it financed it. Having a decent paying corporate job at 18 gave me quite a bit of disposable income. And I certain disposed of it. It was not uncommon to spend $1,000 on booze and drugs on a weekend. The fact that I am still alive amazes me sometimes. But as my drinking progressed, I became less and less concerned with anyone else. My potential for my own self destruction and sociopathic tendencies were showing themselves, and I excelled at those things. I did things I am not proud of, I hurt a lot of people, and I almost killed a few people (myself included). I put my energy and effort into the things that could kill me. That potential is still there. It will never leave me, as long as I am alive, I'll have to be watchful for the behaviors that can lead me back to a drink.
In the same vein, I see people who are dedicating their energies and potential on other things. Whether it's positive or negative, it is what they've chosen to do. So potential? It's everywhere. Don't bother living up to anything. Just live.
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